Father and Son

     This post has taken me a couple of years to continue with. What I am posting in here I denied for a long time as being possible and did not want anyone to know. By denying its power, I have denied the greatness within me for quite some time. Today I am ready to step into this role and live my life of love. A few years ago I started reading “A Course in Miracles” and last year I came upon “A Course of Love”. Both of these books as well as the Bible created huge shifts for me. It was after reading “A Course of Love” I realized if I am going to live out the greatness that is within me I need to stop denying my calling.

     My dad was a loving man he did a lot for others. He loved people. He loved life and he loved to serve. He was a dentist by profession and volunteered his time and services at nursing homes making dentures for the residents. He went out of his way to help others through his passions in life. He loved sports and played for the Red Sox’s; however my mother convinced him to give up playing ball to become a dentist. My dad coached the Crestwood Legion Baseball Team and guided his team to the world series of Legion Baseball. He played full out; he played life to win and supported others in the process. I remember my dad and mom always being together, where ever one was the other was not too far away.


     Now my relationship with my dad, had not always been close as a matter of fact I would say it was more of a love / hate relationship. When I was a young boy I remember my father being really angry with me. He hit me over and over again with his belt saying “Who’s the boss” – I kept replying “not you” or “I am” or “mom is.” This only happened the one time. We had a real power struggle going on. Neither of us won this power struggle, I rebelled most of my young life into early adulthood. As I was becoming a young adult I had a conversation with my father in which he told me I was the “Black Sheep of the Family.” – Ouch!

     My brothers all played baseball but I was not interested or talented in that area, so I joined a swim team and got involved with gymnastics. All summer long my dad would attend every baseball game he could. He would take off work early and not schedule patients so he could attend the games and watch my brothers play. Now I know baseball was his passion and he really loved going to the games, however I very seldom remember my dad attending any of my swim meets.  Now I have no idea the real reason as to why he only came to a couple of my swim meets, but I made up my own truth subconsciously and heard the unspoken message in my mind that “I don’t matter!”

     It is now the “Christmas Season.” I have lived in Tulsa, Oklahoma for a couple of years and went back to Saint Louis to visit family for the holidays.

     What was about to happen was a significant shift in my life, one that I denied and have refused to step into.

     We had a walk out basement; I was downstairs with my dad barbequing. (Every Sunday my dad would barbeque enough food to last the week) Well now my dad wanted to talk to me alone so here we are together as I am helping him with his Sunday ritual.

     In our conversation he expressed that he was proud of me and that he was sorry he did not let me know that in the past. In fact, he told me he wished that my brothers were more like me.

     Wow! What was happening?

     He went on to tell me that I was going to have a very special role in life and he continued to tell me that I would walk the earth the same way Jesus walked the earth, with the ability to heal others and do miracles, that I would be a part of changing the world as we know it.

    Well, now I am thinking my dad is off his rocker. I replied, “Dad, those things are impossible, no one can do that kind of stuff, those kinds of powers died off after the apostles died.” He looked at me with the most serious look I have ever seen on his face, “Greg you have got to believe me what I am telling you is true.”  I will never forget the look in his eyes and his words; however what he was saying was too hard for me to believe about myself, but yet at some internal level I thought could be true?

     This event became a pinnacle point in my life as this turn out to be the last conversation I had with my father.  I had gone back to Tulsa and just a few weeks later I got a call from my mom, she could barely speak, my dad past away that morning, he died of a heart attack.

     That last conversation became the best gift my dad had ever giving me as it allowed the walls between us to fall and we left behind our love / hate relationship as something of the past. I never felt closer to my dad than in that last conversation we had.

     I believe my dad now, although I have not at this time brought sight to the blind, hearing to the Deaf or raised anyone from the dead.   I now believe that to live as Christ is possible and necessary in order to bring heaven to earth. Part of my denial is another belief I have running in my subconscious which I discovered a couple of weeks ago and that is “I Want to Look Good” I deny “Who I Am” because I do not want to look like a lunatic, I don’t want people to think I am crazy. I can accept my greatness as long as my greatness does not look like I have a God complex.  I kept denying that what my dad told me was even possible. When I had the revelation that as long as I keep denying “Who I Am” I keep that part of “Who I Am” separate from me.

     I have been following a calling all my life and it has led me to where I am at today. This calling is strong I cannot deny it. I want to live it! I want to Be It! So here begins the new for me, I will no longer deny my calling, I will no longer deny the love that is within me, I will no longer deny my greatness! I am letting the world know what I have kept as my secret for the past 16 years.